


Things Left Unsaid

by ilithiyarys



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Partners to Lovers, Partnership, Slow Burn, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:40:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23797075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilithiyarys/pseuds/ilithiyarys
Summary: Inspired by Jay & Hailey's soft conversation in 7x20. Jay knows Hailey misses him, but can't seem to find the words to let her know that he misses her too. What will Jay do when something happens to Hailey while she's working in New York?
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 16
Kudos: 153





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i just have so many ideas about how this new york timeline plays out hahaha. don't kill me. this one's gonna be a three or four-shot. i won't drag this out too long!

“It’s pizza, it can’t be that bad,” Jay quipped over the phone, exiting his truck.

 _“It is, it’s like a sheet of paper.”_ He could hear the playful annoyance in her voice about New York style pizza. God, how he missed her. He began making his way into the precinct. “Well, deep dish is waiting. When you’re back, we’ll hit Bartoli’s.”

 _“Deal.”_ He could hear the smile in her response. He hated that he had to wait longer for his partner to return, and Trudy’s previous comments about the feds 'holding onto good people' didn’t help.

“You are coming back, right?” He asked anxiously. He had to be sure.

_“Yeah. I miss the wind... And you.”_

His eyes lit up, hearing her say it. “So you miss me, do ya?”

_“Shut up. I gotta go.”_

Jay smiled. “Yeah, talk to you soon.”

* * *

Three days had gone by, and they were working a new case. Jay had been partnered with Rojas for a stakeout, watching their latest suspects.

He hadn't heard much from Hailey. Other than a few text messages back and forth reminding her to stay safe out there and much to his surprise, her quickly responding that he better not get shot while she's away, their pizza conversation was the last time he heard her voice. Hailey did mention that they were in the middle of a big case involving a bomber, and it was high priority. It was all hands on deck, and they needed her on her A-game. Jay understood that. She was on the batting field with the feds and couldn't risk getting a strike. If there were any distractions, she'd need to minimize them. And that included spending too much time talking with her partner.

Still, hearing her on the phone complaining about New York style pizza made his heart flutter. He missed her so damn bad, but couldn't bring himself to admit it.

Her voice was replaying in his head.

_I miss the wind… And you._

She missed him. And she actually said it.

Jay wasn't usually one to replay conversations in his head, but he couldn't seem to get over this one. He was too caught up in the moment that his response was… Less than adequate for his partner admitting that she missed him. She was his best friend, for God's sake. Why couldn't he just say it back?

He was kicking himself for being overly cautious. He'd always wait for her to say something so he could gauge where she was at; this would inform his response. He wasn't quite sure when he started doing this, but after his fair share of heartbreak and disappointment, it became second nature to play it cautiously. _Especially_ when it came to having feelings for someone else.

The detective was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't even hear Vanessa calling him.

"Halstead? Earth to Halstead? Jay!"

He came out of his daze. "Sorry, I uh, just have a lot on my mind."

"Dude, I need you to focus," Vanessa cautioned.

"I am," he shot back.

"Jay, that's the thirteenth time you've looked at your phone in the last five minutes. What's going on?"

He looked at his phone once more before putting it away. "It's… It's Hailey. I'm worried about her. I know I shouldn't be, she's obviously got a great temporary partner looking out for her too, but this case that she's on… I'm just worried."

"You know she can handle herself, Jay."

"Yeah, I know that. I just hate not physically being able to have her back."

"Hey, I get it. I do. But she's a tough girl. She knows what she's doing, and she'll be back before we know it."

His brow furrowed, and Vanessa immediately noticed. "Come on Jay, what's really on your mind?"

"It's fine, we don't have to get into it now. Focusing on the case, remember?" He smirked, attempting to deflect Rojas' question.

Vanessa shook her head. "Look, Jay. I know we're not normally partners, and we don't know each other that well enough yet, but as Hailey's roommate I feel like I do have a responsibility to look out for you while she's away. And one thing that I do know that Hailey specifically mentioned is that if something is going on and is affecting your focus at work, you gotta let me know what's going on. That's what she would've wanted."

Jay smirked. "Of course she did."

"So…?" Vanessa prompted.

He sighed. He wasn't the type to open up to others, other than his partner, but since she wasn't here and Rojas was right, it couldn't hurt. Plus they were going to be in the van for a while anyway.

"Look, between you and me, I really care about Hailey. I'd do anything for her and I'd follow her anywhere. It's hard to find a good partner like her, someone that has my back no matter what, and is able to talk me out of making bad decisions. I haven't had anyone… Care about me the way that she does in a long time. There's something about her that's just… That makes her different than the rest, you know? She's incredibly patient, and kind. She cares about her work but when it comes to people, she cares more about them than the case. She doesn't judge me or thinks any different of me when I make questionable decisions. She's the only person I want to talk to when I'm having a bad day and the only person that can make me smile when I'm not feeling okay. I don't know where I'd be without her, and I can't imagine my life without her. Hailey… She’s my every day. Seeing her smile when I bring her coffee every morning, or going out for drinks when we've had a rough day. Hailey’s the reason I can look forward to a new day, doing this job. She makes me happy. So her being gone is hard because I'm... I'm _afraid_ that she might not come back," 

He didn't quite finish his sentence, but the implication was there. He was scared that she might not come back _alive._

Vanessa nodded, confirming what she already knew about the two. She echoed the same words she said to Hailey months back, when they were in the hospital awaiting the news about Jay.

"Sounds to me like you love her,"

The detective paused a moment to process the revelation. "I mean… Yeah, I love her. She's my partner."

Vanessa smirked. "I've heard that before,"

Jay furrowed his brow again. "Wait, what?"

She sighed, but half-smiled. "Jay, you know she loves you too right?"

_Hailey loves me?_

He was taken aback. Hearing that word out loud was different, and the reality sunk in. It wasn't just a figment of his imagination.

"I mean… I don't know. She hasn't said it out loud."

"Jay, you wanna know what she was gonna say to you at the hospital when you were shot? She realized how she felt about you when you were in the hospital. Almost losing you almost broke her. But the reason why she changed her mind was because she realized the reality of confessing her feelings to you and how vulnerable that made her. She didn’t know if you would have felt the same way, so she stopped herself.”

His heart sank. _Oh_.

Vanessa continued. "Now, I'm no expert at relationships or love, but because Hailey's my roommate, and I want to protect her just as much as you do, I'm going to be straight with you. One way or the other, you can't keep playing coy with how you feel about her. If you let this go any longer than it has to be, you're going to miss what's in front of you. Feelings… They're a powerful thing. But if you keep her waiting too long, she won't feel like you love her the way that she loves you and will look for it in someone else. You can't risk that, Jay. Especially if you feel the same way about her."

He nodded, taking in what Rojas was saying. "So what should I do?"

The younger officer shrugged. "Just tell her, man."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay musters up the courage to tell Hailey how he feels

The stakeout ended, and they got what they needed to get. The day was coming to an end, and as Jay packed his bag ready to go home he couldn't help but smile.

_You know she loves you too right?_

Hearing Rojas say it out loud wasn't quite how he imagined how it would go down, but hearing Vanessa say it just affirmed what he felt in his gut.

Hailey Anne Upton loved him.

… But he was too stupid to say it first.

As he was mustering up the courage to call her, he received a call from an unknown number. It had a New York area code. He immediately picked up the phone. "Hello?"

 _"Is this Detective Jay Halstead?"_ The voice was unfamiliar, but professional.

He had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Yes, this is Detective Halstead. Who am I speaking with?"

_"This is Isobel Castille, Special Agent in Charge of the New York FBI office. I'm calling to inform you that your partner, Detective Upton was shot on duty fifteen minutes ago."_

"Wha… What the hell happened? Is she alive?" Jay stammered. With no particular plan in mind, he rushed to his truck, and began driving.

_"She's being airlifted to the hospital as we speak. She was shot twice in the torso and once in the chest while following a lead on our current case. You were listed as her next of kin."_

Jay felt the panic start to rise in his chest. "Wh-where the hell was her partner? Agent Zidan?" The brunette let out a sharp breath. "Was she alone? I swear to God…"

Castille quickly interjected, sensing the slight hostility in Jay’s voice. _"Detective, she was with Agent Zidan when they were ambushed. She pushed him out of the way. Upton saved his life."_

He slammed his fist against the steering wheel, forcing back tears now. The rest of their conversation was a blur, but one thing he knew was that he had to get to her. Now. 

Jay furiously dialed the next number on his speed dial. He was mentally preparing how the conversation was going to go down. He didn't know how he'd start, or what he'd say, but one thing that was for sure was he was going to give Voight hell for sending her there in the first place.

 _"Jay,"_ he gently greeted.

_Fuck._

The brunette fell silent, hearing his boss' voice on the line. He thought screaming at Voight would make him feel better about Hailey, but for the first time, he found himself speechless.

He needed guidance.

_"Jay?"_

"Hank…" Jay's voice faltered. "It's Hailey."

The Sergeant could hear Jay's heavy breathing, fighting back tears over the phone. _"I know, Jay. I've already arranged for an emergency flight for you to New York."_

Once again, the brunette wasn't sure what to say. "I should've been there, with her, Voight."

_"Jay, son, there wasn't anything you could have done to prevent this. She was doing her job, and she saved her partner's life, just like she would've done for you here."_

His voice cracked. "I can't lose her, Hank… I love her."

 _"Son, I know,"_ Voight paused, clenching his jaw. _"Just drive, Jay. They'll escort you to a chartered flight once you get there."_

Jay hung up the phone, racing towards the airport.

Back at the office, Hank leaned over his desk. He felt a heaviness that he hadn't felt in a very long time…

Guilt.

He angrily slammed his fists down on his desk, fighting the urge to break down and cry. He knew it wasn't his fault, but it sure as hell felt like it.

For the first time in a long time, he was truly torn. Hank loved Hailey like his own. He sent her away to protect her.

But he was starting to wonder if that was the right choice at all.

He couldn't lose another detective.

He couldn't lose another daughter.

And if Hailey didn’t make it… He would never forgive himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don’t know what the protocol would be in terms of sending people out if that were to actually happen haha so don’t take my word on it! All I know is that if my partner were in a different state and got shot, I’d get the hell out of my city to be with them.
> 
> Also please excuse the characterization inaccuracies, I have a hard time writing Voight


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jay flies to new york to be by hailey's side

Jay diligently sat by Hailey’s side, gently rubbing circles on the back of her hand. His other arm was propped against the edge of her bedside, cupping his cheek as he watched over her. He'd been in her ICU room for fifteen hours now, refusing to leave her side.

The detective had a chance to meet the FBI team Hailey was working with; Agents Zidan, Castille, Valentine, Chazal, Scola, and Ryder. They'd all grown quite fond of the blonde detective, which made sense - she's incredibly charming, funny, and easygoing once you've gotten to know her. Jay couldn't help but smirk when he met OA. He had to admit - Agent Zidan was tall, handsome, and charming. He remembered when Hailey had told him about when they first met, and how they butted heads with one another. It was hilarious, imagining Hailey showing her trademark sassy and slightly savage attitude towards this massive FBI agent.

The same FBI agent whose life she saved. Twice.

Jay had become accustomed to the sounds of her heart monitor beeping and the ventilator pumping oxygen through a tube taped to her mouth. As scary as it looked, it was strangely comforting; the machines were keeping her alive.

She looked so... Different. Ghastly.

The doctors informed him that she'd suffered massive blood loss from her wounds. They'd nearly lost her on the transport to the hospital, and while in surgery, she coded twice. It was a miracle she came out of it, albeit, in a medically-induced coma.

But she was stable.

They told him of the extent of her injuries and he was shocked, to say the least. She was shot twice in the abdomen, both bullets not having exit wounds. One penetrated her kidney, and the other nicked an artery. The third bullet was a through and through in her upper chest, tearing through her left lung. It was a clean shot, but way too close to causing irreversible damage to her heart had it been a centimeter to the right. They had her in a sling to immobilize her left arm, so she wouldn’t rip any stitches once she woke up. 

Even after all his years of being in the military and being an officer, it was still hard grasping what Hailey had gone through. Jay knew their line of work wasn't easy. They risked their lives every single day.

_Protect and serve._

But it sometimes came with a price, and this was one of those times. Jay wasn't an overly anxious person; the military had taught him how to keep that under control. But ever since Hailey had been sent to New York, he felt an anxiety he's never experienced before. Was it because they were partners? Was it because of his overly-protective nature?

And then it clicked in his mind again.

_It's because you love her._

The detective clenched his jaw, fighting back tears again.

"Hailey..." Jay breathed. He leaned in, resting his forehead against her hand. "God, Hailey. I don't even know if you can hear me right now, but if you can... Please, just keep fighting."

He paused. There weren't many things that Jay was scared of, but right now, he was afraid. Afraid that she wouldn't make it. Afraid of losing her forever. Afraid that he never got to tell her.

Jay let out a long breath before continuing.

"Hails, I need you. I know I should've told you sooner, and I'm sorry I never did. I was too afraid to admit that I had feelings for you because my heart had been broken so many times before. But when I met you, Hailey... Everything changed. You have helped me through so much. You've helped me grow. You were always there for me, even through my stubbornness. You've saved my life more times than I can count. And the longer we worked together, the deeper my feelings grew for you. I was scared, Hails, because I fell for you. I fell in love with you, Hailey Upton, and I didn't know what to do about it. But I should have told you and I'm _so sorry."_

He couldn't fight the tears anymore. "I know there's nothing that will change the fact that you were sent away and that you were shot. But God, Hailey, if I could go back in time and fix this, I would. We always told each other we'd follow each other anywhere, and I should have done that, Hailey. I should have followed you here. I'd give up everything just to hear your voice, to see your smile, to see your beautiful blue eyes again. Hailey... I need you. I can't imagine my life without you. You're my guide, my constant. My everyday, my every good thing."

Jay sniffled, resting his head against her hand once more.

"I love you, Hailey. Please come back to me,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jay's confession may be a wee bit over the top hahaha but a girl can dream, right?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hailey wakes up

Three days had passed, and Hailey was still in a coma. Jay had rarely left her side; apart from going back to his hotel room to take a shower and change his clothes, he spent every second he could with her at the hospital.

He realized how she must have felt when he was shot months ago… It was agonizing, just sitting and waiting for something to happen. But he knew that her body was trying to heal. Time would be their friend.

Still, it wasn't easy.

… Mostly because the uncomfortable chair he'd been sitting in for the last three days was starting to take its toll on his back.

Hailey's stats were improving with each passing day, and it wouldn't be much longer before the doctors would lower the dosage of meds she was on, and slowly wean her off the ventilator.

Jay made a habit of talking to her, even though the doctors warned him that there was a slim chance she actually could hear what he was saying. But every day he'd talk to her, despite the monitors beeping and the constant _whoosh_ of the ventilator and the blaring fact that she was unconscious. It still gave him a sense of normalcy.

It was mid-day, and he opened up the blinds in her room. Over the last few days, the other agents had dropped off some flowers, gift baskets, and little things for Hailey. He too, had brought her some flowers - roses and baby's breath. Jay wasn't a big flowers guy; not because he didn't like them, but because he knew so little about them. The one thing he knew about flowers was when he'd bought some from Michelle Sullivan's shop to cover up the fact he was questioning her about her husband, in front her husband. As much as the detective wanted to punch him in the face, Shane's suggestion for red roses and baby's breath for his "girlfriend" stuck with him.

He could never forget the smile on Hailey's face, as he brought them into the truck. She ended up taking them home that day - God knows what would have happened if he tried to take care of some flowers.

But it was that smile of hers that he couldn't shake off. Jay caught himself smiling at the memory.

How he'd longed to see that smile again.

He pulled up his chair next to her bed, setting up the area around him so that he could have lunch.

"So I picked up some of that famous New York-style pizza you've been roasting non-stop. I have to say Hails, I think you're a little harsh," he chuckled, as he bit into the pizza slice he'd picked up on the way from his hotel to the hospital. "Or you might have tried shitty pizza to come to your conclusion about it, but I gotta say, this isn't bad. Again, not as incredible as Chicago deep dish, but not bad. Definitely not like a cracker." He finished his pizza, cleaning up the area.

Jay sat back in his seat, sighing. He took her hand, rubbing circles on the back. Despite talking to her for the last few days, it was still hard finding the words to speak. There wasn't much else that he could say to her… He'd poured his heart out to her every day now.

"God, Hails. I miss you. I miss your smile. I miss your voice. It was hard when you left, but even harder now that this all happened to you. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you,"

Just as he was about to continue, he felt a slight nudge from her hand. His heart began to race.

"Oh my God, Hailey? Hailey, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand,"

He wanted to be sure it wasn't just a muscle spasm. His eyes widened, waiting for her to do it again.

Sure enough, she squeezed his hand.

"Hailey! Hailey, can you open your eyes?"

He waited a few more seconds for her to respond. The blonde slowly opened her eyes, squinting from the bright lights. Jay let out a big sigh of relief. "That's good, you're doing so good."

Her eyes met with his.

"Hi," he nervously greeted, breaking the silence. He stroked his thumb gently over her forehead.

Hailey didn't seem to be confused about where she was, which meant she must've remembered what had happened to her. She tried to speak before Jay interrupted her. "Wait, Hails, you're intubated right now so you can't speak, but let me get a doctor okay? I'll be right back."

She gently nodded, watching as he exited the room.

"Doctor! My partner, Hailey - she's awake,"

The doctor nodded, following the detective back into Hailey's room. Jay stood aside, watching the doctor work on his partner.

"Hi, Detective Upton. I'm Doctor Quinn, is it okay if I quickly assess you? Blink once for no and twice for yes."

The blonde blinked twice. "Great, can you follow my finger?" Dr. Quinn asked as she moved her finger side to side, shining a light at each of Hailey's eyes. "That's good, pupils are looking good and she's responding well." She continued to check the blonde detective's breathing and reflexes.

Minutes later, Dr. Quinn finished up her assessment, updating Hailey's chart.

"Everything's looking good, Detective Upton," Dr. Quinn confirmed.

"Can she come off the vent?" Jay asked.

"Her breath sounds are good, but considering the extent of her injuries, I want to play it safe. I want to keep her on it until she starts breathing over it on her own."

Jay frowned, but didn't argue. "Okay. Thanks, Doctor."

"I'll be back in a few hours to check. Let me know if anything changes,"

"Will do, thanks doc."

Dr. Quinn offered him a half-smile before leaving the room. Jay made his way back over to his spot next to her. He was frustrated; all he wanted to do was talk _with_ his partner, not just _to_ her. As he was lost in thought, he forgot that she was still awake, staring at him.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry Hailey. I wasn't ignoring you, I just… I wanna hear your voice."

She took his hand, rubbing circles. Jay raised a brow; did she know he did the same thing with her?

He suddenly thought of something. "Wait, Hails. I've got an idea. I'll be back in a sec,"

Hailey nodded. He ran outside to the nurses station, spotting his favourite nurse - Nurse Tabitha. She'd been working every shift, taking care of Hailey ever since she was admitted. Naturally, Jay had a soft spot for the nurse as he's gotten to know her.

"Is that my favourite nurse working behind that computer screen?" Jay beamed. Nurse Tabitha looked up over the desk and smiled. "Well look at that smile! What can I do for you hon?"

He leaned over the counter top. "Could I possibly steal a sharpie and a couple pieces of paper and a clipboard from you? Hailey is awake but Doctor Quinn still wants to keep her on the vent."

"Yes, of course honey," she pushed her chair, rolling over to the other side of the desk, grabbing all three things. "Here you go."

"You're my hero. Thanks, Tabitha," He grinned.

She smiled back. "Of course, I'll come in few to check up on Hailey."

Jay came back into the room, holding up the clipboard and pens. "Look what I got," He walked back over to his chair, picking it up and moving it around the left side of Hailey's bed.

He placed the clipboard on the swivel table, opening up a pen and giving it to Hailey to write with. It took her a few tries before coming out with something that was legible. The brunette laughed seeing what she wrote.

_Get me out of here_

"Of course that's the first thing you would say. You know I can't do that," he laughed. She continued writing.

_I know, I just wanna go home_

He sighed. "I know, Hails. Soon." She had a puzzled look on her face, as she continued to write down her thoughts.

_Hails - you've never called me that before_

He half-smiled. "And I don't normally hold your hand this much, but here we are,"

Hailey playfully rolled her eyes. 

A few minutes passed as they sat in silence, and Jay could feel his heart beating outside of his chest again. It's like Rojas' voice was stuck in his head.

_Just tell her, man._

He knew it wasn't the perfect circumstance to tell her how he felt, but he needed her to know.

"You know Hails... I was so scared. When I got the call from Agent Castille back in Chicago, it was like my worst nightmare was unfolding. My worst nightmare was happening, and I had absolutely no grip on reality other than hearing the words and imagining the worst. The three hours between finding out that you were shot, flying to New York, and getting to the hospital to see you were the longest three hours of my life. The anxiety of not knowing if you'd still be alive when I landed was eating away at me. I was so scared I was never going to be able to see you again, talk to you again, see your smile, or hear your voice again. It made me realize there was so much I wanted to tell you that I never did, and I should have, and I'm sorry. It made me realize just how important you are to me, not just as a partner, but as someone in my life. You make me a better man, Hailey. Nearly losing you made me realize how much of my heart you hold, and I don't want to wait any longer to tell you what I've been wanting to tell you for a while,"

He paused, savouring the words that were about roll off his tongue next.

"Hailey Upton, I am in love with you. I'm crazy about you, I can't imagine my life without you, and I just want to be with you. I love you."

Tears were welling up in her eyes, hearing him echo how she's felt about him for ages.

_I love you too_

The brunette beamed, looking at what she'd written on the clipboard. He leaned over, kissing her on the forehead.

"You don't know how long I've been wanting to kiss you," he smiled. Hailey wrote on the clipboard one more time.

_Wait till I'm off this damn vent_

Jay grinned.

"Oh, I'm looking forward to it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that concludes this story! i was planning to write another chapter where hailey comes off the vent and can speak but i found something really sweet about jay not being able to wait any longer to tell hailey how he feels about her. anyway, thanks for reading along and leaving comments! you guys are the sweetest!


End file.
